Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Already a Person, Let the Parenting Begin

Because I can't imagine getting through the next two weeks with my sanity, I had a consultation with my friend and Chiropractor, Dr. Ronen Mendi, whose specialty is Kinesiology. After various exams of my physical state - my tail bone needs assistance - Ronen gave me this revelation about my daughter: she has chosen, with no impetus or indication from the woman who has joyfully chosen to be her mother, she has decided on her own that my being a single parent will be difficult, and that she will be a burden to me. And so, while the rest of her is right on track in terms of her growth, she is internalizing these feelings in her stomach, which is under-developed compared to the rest of her.

I delved into my psyche for two years before opting for this route. I suffered - again, gladly - through fertility treatments for a year, and the day I was told that the pregnancy was successful was the happiest day of my life. (Until the day I can hold her in my arms.) I read her books and play music to her stomach, and constantly tell her how much I love her, and how I can't wait to meet her.

True, I have moments of panic about financial issues, or the fact that I am not sleeping and certainly will not sleep well and through the night once she arrives. But there is a vast difference between hardships and being a burden.

Little one, since four months in the womb you have shown yourself to be a person with opinions, sometimes you disagree with me and I know that you have thought through other options. You have already told me which name you prefer, and every time I use that name, I feel a sense of joy and serenity flowing from my stomach.

It does not surprise me that seven weeks before your birth, I must now communicate with you inside, as I will communicate with you as my child when you are on the outside. I must acknowledge your concerns and at the same time, I must point out that your choice is principally flawed: Anything worth having and doing, anything that truly means something, it requires 1000% commitment - emotional and physical, and work and yes, sometimes hardship. The result of all this effort will become the most magical adventure for the two of us, and you will never be a burden for me.

You were wanted and loved by me before you were even conceived. I love you now, and every day for the rest of your long long life. If you don't know this yet about your Mommy, I am someone who throws myself passionately into the people who are important to me. You are the most important person to me. I am so excited to raise you to fulfill your fullest and happiest potential

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

beautiful post!!!!!!!!!! It brought tears to my eyes