This past week a crashed, thinking about the difficult timing of the last two cycles, and trying to put myself in a positive place for next week, when I begin my next round of blood tests, ultra sound, and hopefully, insemination.
This past week Israel celebrated its 60th birthday, and I realized that in making the decision and the active choice to try to get pregnant, I no longer fit in socially with many of my single and fearful friends, and I also don't fit in with my married with children friends. I worry that in my single-minded focus on fertility and pregnancy, I have socially isolated myself, and will not have the support group that I will need when G-d Willing the procedure works and I am "with child." I am worried about being a single Mom and not being in a healthy relationship with a nurturing man.
I cried, I started to doubt myself and my higher voice, I started to throw temper tantrums and behave rather badly around the grown up set. Luckily my life coach (TM) was able to talk me down, and encourage me to use this time of Israel's celebrations to socialize outside my comfort zone, take some risks.
Stay tuned as the early morning blood leeching start up next Tuesday.
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